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KiraGoddess

I live on this planet.
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Title is because it was the first thing that came to mind when I was thinking of what I would title this. It has no relation to the journal entry.

Here I am, in my comfy 2 year old Black Lex Mod Pillow chair, in a tiny apartment owned by my father, that I'm renting with my older sis, playing Blade and Soul. I'm going to be 25 in just under a month. I have a steady job in a machine shop. I love working with my hands. It pays alright, 13.50/hr after a year and a half being there. I make bi-annual payments for car insurance, I pay monthly for internet and phone and rent. I'm eating less junk food. I eat a candy maybe once a week. My weight has been steady 220 but I'm not really trying to do extra working out, my job is a lot of lifting and moving... just not cardio, which is likely what I need. Anyways I'm just writing an update to put it out there.

I'm alive. I'm still depressed, highs and lows. I don't think that'll ever change, it hasn't since middle school. I manage to get by and do things. Pay for the things I need as well as want (and honestly, I don't really ever want much, I have a pretty decent computer, it runs most games in decent graphics, I have a headset for voice calls, I have steady internet). I'm doing okay.

My father is going to be forcing. .. well I've agreed to go.. I'm going back to college finally. I'll be starting in the second semester because I really couldn't get myself to start this fall, it was so sudden, "just go to college". Nothing crazy, just a single class.. won't interfere with work times thankfully I'm on evening shift. I love working at night. I've always been a night owl. I mean, here I am at 5:24am, it's my bed time just about. Wednesday morning and I'm off to sleep. I love it. But I plan to work while doing the college thing, just one, maybe two classes, standard bachelor degree eventually. Which means all the boring standard horrid classes like English.

I want to maybe some day be an architect. Or a building designer/engineer. I've always loved taking things apart and putting them together and understanding how they work on a physical level, how to re-create it, how to build it, and working in a machine shop environment the past 4 years has gotten me to the point that I know that I can't do this kind of work forever. My body will eventually give out and I'll have to do desk work or something less physically taxing at least. I can't keep lifting 100lb housing fixtures all my life. Or whatever they weigh. I work for a lighting company named Selux, great company, they make awesome stuff, they're still expanding too. I'm content where I am for now but I know that I'll have to move on in another 20 years or so, and so dad sees this as "DO THIS NOW" and I'm like.. what's the rush? I could die tomorrow and then what would be the point of me starting college? But that's just me being hopeful, I'll probably live to 80 or some shit, I have healthy genes and that's what I'm stuck with.

And with the way the world is going, I'm guessing people with trade skills will be ever increasingly needed, so all the better to become an architect who has previous experience of working in a machine shop and with all the tools of the trade. I've helped my dad create apartments and take apart a shed, re-shingle a house, solder pipes, check electricity, water pressures and heaters, insulation, window and door fittings... I've been around these things. It just feels like a good step to take, to go to school to get a certificate that says "this person knows how to do this stuff".

I'd like to design my own home. a dome style. on a hill in the woods that'd be nice. hobbit type, built into the side of the hill. steady temperature year-round. just the right size for me and some shelves and a desk and a kitchen and a bed and bathroom. dug deep in, get the water pathed around the perimiter so it doesn't sit on or against the house and just keeps rolling through the soil. a nice deep base, no risk of mudslides. a location that's not terribly far from a town, but also separate.

I'm gonna get off and head to bed. Keep dreaming. Life goes on, even when you're screaming at it to stop... even when you wish it could go faster. Enjoy the good parts, endure the bad, live the mundane. It's just life. Everyone is out there experiencing their own version of it. Connect, disconnect, make connections that last, make connections that die in a war of emotion, and just hope that there's always enough good in the world worth fighting for.

Until next time fellow survivors of earth,

Calli
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Life

2 min read
Well I figured... it's been over a year since I've written a journal entry on DA so it's about time. So... what have I been up to? Jeez, so much it's kinda crazy and I don't want to write it all...

To sum it up, what's happened is this:
finished college year, decided not going back to college the next year because I got a 1.8 GPA because of lack of dicipline, worked as a dishwasher and a waitstaff with my dad's catering company, set my place of living as my dad's house through the DMV, went to Guatemala for 3 months and volunteered at an orphanage in the Rio Dulce, moved all my stuff into my dad's house (recent), I'm still helping my mom get moved out of her house along with my older and younger sisters (they're moving because of prices and not needing a big house anymore), I've got a job working with creating statues - working with wax/metal/dangerous tools/doing art stuff/heavy lifting... it pays $10/hr, aaaand I have no idea when I'm going back to school... if I do, it will definitely be part time and probably night time, like a basic Bachelor of Arts or something, until I know for sure what I want to do in life for a while.

So yeah, I've been... living? I mean, life just kinda goes and goes and you just have to continue pursuing what you want until you find out what you want! Makes no sense? Yeah, it's life. =.= Those blessed with the knowledge of what they really want to do early on in life are very lucky.

peace out *3*
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College :P

1 min read
My second semester has begun! I'm on Academic Probation because of my E in Calculus I. I hated my teacher and I knew I was going to fail. Anyways, I know what I did wrong and now I know how to get good grades: be antisocial and study. :) I already like my Calc II teacher, she's slightly insane and really good at getting the equations across to us. My Physics II prof. is the same as my Physics I prof and in the same LC, so that makes me happy. My Intro to Criminal Justice class is really interesting and I think I'll really enjoy the class. I have my 3 hour 3D Art Design class tomorrow from 6PM-9PM at a studio, I'm psyched for that. :D

So, yeah, I'm going to make an attempt at developing study skills this semester and reach for an A in all my classes (yeah right). ^^
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I WANT SOMEONE TO SIT DOWN WITH ME AND HELP!!! I hate having to be the one to go out and seek help, it doesn't just come to me. T_T Oh well, 'grow up and get over it'. Life sucks sometimes. Learn from your mistakes. Do better next time. Take action. Buck up. Have a good cry and get over it. I hate not having help, being forced to do everything for myself... I'd like it if someone would tell me what I'm supposed to do because I feel like I'm out of the loop half the time. "Oh, sign-up for winter classes was yesterday?! WTF?" NOW WHAT? O_O When are my Student Assistant's office hours? Why wont she respond to my emails? HEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!! All I need is a guiding hand for one year, someone to point me in the right direction. That would be awesome and much appreciated. But NOOOOO, we're grown-ups now, we don't get help like that, we are RESPONSIBLE ADULTS! FML!!! I WANT TO BE A KID! SCREW ADULT LIFE! I just want to learn and learn, I hate getting lost on the way! T_T UGH! someone kill me, drag me back through time to the beginning of senior year and put my soul into my alive body... please? >_< I just want to start the whole 2009-2010 year over and do things right! I want to be better prepared for what's happening to me right now. I should have acted sooner, asked questions earlier, and I didn't, assuming I had all the time in the world; harsh reality is that time FLIES and it will zoom right by you without a care in the world.
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Off to a new 'cal' adventure, this expedition's name is "college". The only hints I've gotten as to how difficult and awesome this will be is from my older sister and various family members. My sis had a hard time keeping grades up and is now paying for college on her own... not very inspiring for me, although she does have plenty of fun social-wise. My family members are all one to two generations older so their college experience is more than likely obsolete at this point. I'm definitely terrified to go right now and I'm a ball of nerves and I just want to rewind a year or three and have more time to get used to the fact that I'm saying goodbye to my high school friends, my old life, and my family for a while (until the first long break-Thanksgiving?). I hope to see some old friends during that time but who knows? :/ Nothing is certain anymore, other than the classes I'm taking, the teachers I have, the room I'm assigned to, and the fact that I'm leaving things behind. It's really scary and the tiny piece of my that's excited is being smothered by worry. o_o halp!

Of course, I do want this to happen and it will happen and I'm going to get through it and I know I'm most likely over-reacting but it feels good to write out my emotions because I don't want to talk them out.
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Featured

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College :P by KiraGoddess, journal

Update on College Stuff by KiraGoddess, journal

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