Title is because it was the first thing that came to mind when I was thinking of what I would title this. It has no relation to the journal entry.
Here I am, in my comfy 2 year old Black Lex Mod Pillow chair, in a tiny apartment owned by my father, that I'm renting with my older sis, playing Blade and Soul. I'm going to be 25 in just under a month. I have a steady job in a machine shop. I love working with my hands. It pays alright, 13.50/hr after a year and a half being there. I make bi-annual payments for car insurance, I pay monthly for internet and phone and rent. I'm eating less junk food. I eat a candy maybe once a week. My weight has been steady 220 but I'm not really trying to do extra working out, my job is a lot of lifting and moving... just not cardio, which is likely what I need. Anyways I'm just writing an update to put it out there.
I'm alive. I'm still depressed, highs and lows. I don't think that'll ever change, it hasn't since middle school. I manage to get by and do things. Pay for the things I need as well as want (and honestly, I don't really ever want much, I have a pretty decent computer, it runs most games in decent graphics, I have a headset for voice calls, I have steady internet). I'm doing okay.
My father is going to be forcing. .. well I've agreed to go.. I'm going back to college finally. I'll be starting in the second semester because I really couldn't get myself to start this fall, it was so sudden, "just go to college". Nothing crazy, just a single class.. won't interfere with work times thankfully I'm on evening shift. I love working at night. I've always been a night owl. I mean, here I am at 5:24am, it's my bed time just about. Wednesday morning and I'm off to sleep. I love it. But I plan to work while doing the college thing, just one, maybe two classes, standard bachelor degree eventually. Which means all the boring standard horrid classes like English.
I want to maybe some day be an architect. Or a building designer/engineer. I've always loved taking things apart and putting them together and understanding how they work on a physical level, how to re-create it, how to build it, and working in a machine shop environment the past 4 years has gotten me to the point that I know that I can't do this kind of work forever. My body will eventually give out and I'll have to do desk work or something less physically taxing at least. I can't keep lifting 100lb housing fixtures all my life. Or whatever they weigh. I work for a lighting company named Selux, great company, they make awesome stuff, they're still expanding too. I'm content where I am for now but I know that I'll have to move on in another 20 years or so, and so dad sees this as "DO THIS NOW" and I'm like.. what's the rush? I could die tomorrow and then what would be the point of me starting college? But that's just me being hopeful, I'll probably live to 80 or some shit, I have healthy genes and that's what I'm stuck with.
And with the way the world is going, I'm guessing people with trade skills will be ever increasingly needed, so all the better to become an architect who has previous experience of working in a machine shop and with all the tools of the trade. I've helped my dad create apartments and take apart a shed, re-shingle a house, solder pipes, check electricity, water pressures and heaters, insulation, window and door fittings... I've been around these things. It just feels like a good step to take, to go to school to get a certificate that says "this person knows how to do this stuff".
I'd like to design my own home. a dome style. on a hill in the woods that'd be nice. hobbit type, built into the side of the hill. steady temperature year-round. just the right size for me and some shelves and a desk and a kitchen and a bed and bathroom. dug deep in, get the water pathed around the perimiter so it doesn't sit on or against the house and just keeps rolling through the soil. a nice deep base, no risk of mudslides. a location that's not terribly far from a town, but also separate.
I'm gonna get off and head to bed. Keep dreaming. Life goes on, even when you're screaming at it to stop... even when you wish it could go faster. Enjoy the good parts, endure the bad, live the mundane. It's just life. Everyone is out there experiencing their own version of it. Connect, disconnect, make connections that last, make connections that die in a war of emotion, and just hope that there's always enough good in the world worth fighting for.
Until next time fellow survivors of earth,